It was a normal Thursday afternoon. I had come home from work and was just tidying things up when I saw it. My husband's new security clearance application for his upcoming deployment. This security clearance had been the topic of conversation for months as he spent time gathering names, addresses, dates, etc. required for the application. It was quite the task and I knew it drove him crazy. Naturally, then, I was curious to see what it looked like when it was complete. I started glancing through the pages and there it was. The "D" word. Divorce. Noted with my information. And that is how I found out. There, in the middle of a 60+ page document I found out that my husband of almost ten years was planning on filing for divorce. I was stunned. Shocked. Numb. Angry. Devasted. All in a matter of three seconds. My life was changing. Sure, we had gone through some rough spots, but who hasn't? We both just finished grueling graduate school programs and were preparing to send our daughter to college in the fall. That is stressful. So where was the allowance for that in our marriage? Apparently the allowance was absent.
I've spent the last nearly 40 days trying to accept this "event" in my life, but I just can't. When I said my vows I mean them. I knew marriage would bring hard times, but I also have experienced those amazing times, too. I am not quitter. This is no exception. I am an unwilling participant in this "event" that is being scheduled for me and I intend to commit myself to the repair of my marriage. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I love my husband enough to give it my all.
